Foodie Event Alert – Colombian Fusion Food


Chef Raluca Cojocariu and professional traveler David Rivas combine traditional Colombian street foods like arepas, empanadas and patacones, with global flavours in an elegant fashion and are holding a 5-course tasting event at  The Dep on November 16th.

Want to go?

Head on over to http://thedepanneur.ca/event/supper-club-colombian-fusion-tasting-menu-by-aracataca/

source: http://thedepanneur.ca/event/supper-club-colombian-fusion-tasting-menu-by-aracataca/

Truth Hurts – Dating Someone With a Mental Illness


Yet another story submitted by one of our readers and this time the topic is on ‘dating someone with a mental illness':

When we set up our first coffee date I wasn’t sure what to expect. He was charming, good looking, smart and successful. He was what my friends referred to as a “classic good on paper guy”. I saw him walking towards me and in that instant I knew I could see myself dating this man. I knew we had that chemistry people like to call ‘love at first sight’. I saw fireworks and I smiled a big, welcoming smile.

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John was brilliant. He dealt with numbers all day and could talk about his line of work for hours but he was also gifted with amazing listening skills. He sat across from me and asked me questions, stared into my eyes while I answered them and followed them up with other questions. We had a really great first date. When I was leaving he asked if I’d message him again and I jokingly suggested he take the next step. Minutes after my departure his text came through: “here is my text message.” He was interested.

The beginning of a love affair is beautiful. You feel high as a kite. You want to spend as much time as possible with the person and you’re drunk off the excitement. I wanted to be careful and not fall hard for this one because I was afraid of things moving too fast but I also didn’t want to put the brakes on. It was tough trying to resist his attempts at seeing me often because “he enjoyed my company.” I was flattered and enraptured all at once. I wanted to give in and not follow the rules. Our second date set the stage for more questioning. I found myself being interrogated on all matters including money matters. Deep down, I knew this was an odd topic to discuss so early on but for some reason I never stopped him. We discussed marriage, children, living with a partner and many other intimate details couples usually save for a later time. I should have seen the red flags right then and there but I charged on.

Everything seemed so easy with him. Our conversations were amazing and we could discuss just about anything, debating our respective views back and forth. We were both stubborn and neither one was a fan of giving in to the other. I thought that was the second red flag but alas, I charged on still.

One week down, two weeks in, three weeks deep. We charged on only to come to a complete halt. Suddenly his messages diminished in numbers and I found it a challenge to get anything out of him. The lines of communication had been shutdown. I wondered on and on about what I had said or how I could have caused this reversal. When I finally found the guts to confront him, he confirmed all my intuitive fears and said: “I just think we’re very different and I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

Deep down I couldn’t find an ounce of care for this confession since we barely had anything to say to each other anymore. We had rushed into something we idealized and never took the time to figure out if we were a good match or not but isn’t that what dating is all about: discovering one another?

Despite our differences we decided to march on and slowly jump in. The more time passed, the more I realized how sad his little life was. He was a workaholic with no real interests other than watching movies. His idea of an ideal Friday night was sitting on the couch, eating chips and watching Netflix. Our dates had become uninteresting, routine and even boring.

Though I tried to make conversation, I could feel his lack of interest and that stopped me from continuing. He’d stop talking, then look at me and say “so…” and i knew that was me queue to find the next topic but I couldn’t care less. I sat there in my chair staring back at him with nothing to say.

We couldn’t make it past a week of doing this. He had driven me mad and I couldn’t fake it any longer. This was clearly a waste of time. There were days when he would take hours to respond to me and I had zero patience. He wanted to be left alone and his mood swings were worst than those of a teenager going through puberty. The final goodbye was mutual and as I walked away I knew that I had done the right thing. He was depressed, with a therapist he saw on a weekly basis and I couldn’t lift his spirits.

It was not my responsibility to fix him and I smiled because I knew this could have gotten really ugly if I hadn’t decided to confront the issue.

The VidaEsque Answer:

Dating is hard enough as it is. Let’s not complicate it further by putting ourselves in avoidable situations and dating mentally unavailable men/women.

Emotional connection is key to a long-lasting relationship and unfortunately a mentally ill partner can affect your mental health as well. Had the depression started after a relationship had began, I’d suggest sticking it out and being there for your partner but since this was in the beginning stages you did the right thing by walking away.

Good luck :)

xo

 

 

One Last Time


Vida Setoudeh:

My first published short story.

Originally posted on The Fickle Heartbeat:

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Shared by Vida Setoudeh

He sits across from me and awkwardly sips on his glass of beer. He’s wearing my favourite blue shirt that complements his blue eyes. He tries to avoid eye contact and goes straight to the point. I always loved his bluntness but today it hurts. Basic conversation ensues and when we’re done filling in each other on what’s new in our lives an unfamiliar silence creeps in.

I look for the waitress and order another drink. “Aren’t you driving back?” “Yes, but not for a while.” He shakes his head, disapprovingly. I know I can’t continue this conversation sanely or soberly. The drink arrives and with it so does my determination. I gather all the courage left in my weakened body to make my desires known. “I miss you.” “Vanessa, we can’t be together. We’re not a good match. We’re too different. Is this why…

View original 1,345 more words

Is your date cheap


It’s story time here on Vidaesque and this time we’re going to share a lesson learned about dating a cheap guy.

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Story:

A while back one of our readers decided to give online dating another chance. She met Matt, a good on paper finance expert with a CFA, a place downtown and great hair! Her and Matt quickly set up a first date. They opted for coffee so they could see each other in the flesh and decide if there was enough chemistry to continue chatting.

A short coffee date turned into a two-hour long chat and neither one of them wanted it to end. They got along great, found one another attractive and had tons to discuss. Matt wasn’t as tall as she’d hoped he’d be but in her search for love she knew there were compromises to be made.

After the first date Matt continued to send her constant messages, ask about her day and make her laugh. She couldn’t wait to go out with him again.

when it came time to plan the second date, Matt mentioned something she didn’t know how to respond to. He uttered the dreaded words: “let’s go somewhere cheap.” Apparently Matt had spent all his money over the summer and was “too broke” to take her out anywhere fancy. She stuttered in response: “ok, well how about just a few drinks then?” She didn’t want to come off as high maintenance but it didn’t look good.

When they met up to walk over to their chosen venue, she was starving but afraid to mention food. She didn’t know if she could even order appetizers and this bothered her.

They settled in on a patio and ordered their first round. He talked and talked and she kept wondering if they could share an appetizer. He grabbed the menu, looked it over and put it back down. When the waitress came around to ask if they’d be eating, she looked to him for an answer. “Oh, you can take the menus. We’re not sure if we’re eating here,” he said. “I know a great, affordable pizzeria around the corner. You like pizza right?” She wasn’t impressed. Her appetite had suddenly disappeared. Why did this good on paper man not have the decency to wine and dine her properly? Perhaps he really was broke and she had to play the part of an understanding date.

Their date served as some sort of a test. He was trying to see if she would be the girl who’d be okay with just drinks and a pizza and she was trying to see if he was looking for something serious. As their dates continued – she really was trying to give him a chance to prove worthy – financial issues began to become the highlight of their conversations.

“Great marriages are those where the wife and husband have separate accounts,” Matt would say. “Would you be more interested in a pretty ring or real love?”, he’d ask.

She tried to answer the questions as honestly as possible. She was independent enough, a fan of the luxurious lifestyle and never expected a man to take care of her. On the other hand, she didn’t mind being wined and dined while dating and he had made it quite clear that he “wasn’t that guy”. After about three weeks of dating, he changed overnight suggesting that they were different and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. She was a bit shocked but decided to talk it out. They set up a day to get together and chat but in the meantime she wondered, is my date cheap? Should I change my needs and wants to accommodate his lifestyle? What have I done to make him unsure about whether he wishes to pursue me or not, she wondered.

The answer:

There is no straight answer here but there is the most trusted feeling a woman can always rely on called your instinct. Your gut feeling is never ever wrong. If you feel as though your date isn’t treating you the way you’d like to be treated then opt out as soon as possible. People don’t change. This is the beginning so he should really be putting his best foot forward. If at this point in the dating cycle, he is making it clear to you that he will not be “that guy” then believe him. Assess whether you’re “that girl” who can put up with cheap dinners, diners and a lot of nights at home. Decide what you want from your love life and either throw him away or re-adjust your standards.

Personally, I would never settle so i don’t recommend re-adjusting anything but if you feel as though there is no one better than this guy out there for you, then feel free to compromise away.

All the best xx

VidaEsque